Newfie Hooker 

A Newfoundlander was walking home late at night & sees a woman in the Shadows ‘Twenty dollars’ she whispers 

Perry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks So they hide in the bushes. 

They’re going ‘at it’ for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them It is a police officer. 

‘What’s going on here, people?’ asks the officer 

‘I’m making love to me wife!,’ the Newfoundlander answers sounding annoyed 

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know’ 

‘Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that light in her face.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Two Newfies were working for the city public works department. 1 would dig a hole & the other would follow behind him & fill the hole in. 
They worked up 1 side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, 1 man digging a hole, the other filling it in again. 

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he say’s to the hole digger, ‘I’m impressed by the effort you 2 are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it — why do you dig a hole, 
only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?’ 

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, ‘Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. 
But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick.’ 

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

An American tourist asks a Newfoundlander: 
“Why do Scuba divers always fall Backwards off their boats?” 
To which the Newfoundlander Replies: 
“If they fell forwards they’d still be in the F*ckin boat.” 

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Québecois vs. Newfies 
2 Québecois businessmen in Trois-Rivières were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, ‘I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, & ask what we’re selling.’ No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Newfie walked to the window, had a peek, & in a thick Newfie accent asked ‘What might ye be sellin’ here?’ One of the men replied sarcastically, ‘We’re selling ass-holes.’ 
Without skipping a beat, the Newfie said, ‘You are doing well…only two left!’ 

Québecois – God bless them – should not mess with the Newfies.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John’s and
both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment
office.
 
When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, “Panty
Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties and 
thongs.”
 
The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer
and finding it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80 a week unemployment pay.
 
Mick was next and when asked his occupation replied,
“Diesel fitter.”
 
Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick
$160 a week.
 
When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back
into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
 
The clerk explained, “Panty Stitchers are unskilled and
Diesel Fitters are skilled labor.”
 
“What skill?” yelled Paddy. “I sew the elastic on 
the panties and the thongs. Mick puts them over his head and says: “Yep, diesel fitter!”

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Turner Brown
Skinny little white Newfie goes into an elevator, looks up and
sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Newfie staring at him, he looks down and says: ‘7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.’

The little white Newfie faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. 
The big guy says, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ In a weak voice the little guy says, ‘What EXACTLY did you say to me?’

       The big dude says, ‘I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me…… I’m 7feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.’
        
The little white Newfie says:

        ‘Turner Brown?!….Sweet Thunderin Jeezus, I tought you said, ‘Turn around!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

A doctor in St John’s Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his janitor. “I am goin’ huntin’ tomorrow Buddy and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients and I’ll give you fifty bucks.” 

 “Yes, sir!” answers Buddy 
 

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Buddy, How was your day?” 

Buddy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a Headache so I gave him TYLENOL.” 

“Bravo Buddy! The second one?” asks the doctor. 

“The second one had a bad stomach and I gave him MAALOX, sir.” says Buddy 

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” asks the Doctor 

“Well Sir, I was sitting here having a smoke and suddenly the door flies opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME – I haven’t seen a man in over two years 

“Lard Tunderin’ Yeezus, Buddy!!! What did you do?” 

I put drops in her eyes!!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Newfie Lubricant

Way down in the out ports of Newfoundland , Murph’s old lady had been
pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the
doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said.  ‘Hey,
Murph! You just had you a son!

‘Ain’t dat grand!!’ Murph got excited by this, but just then the doctor
spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain’t finished yet!’

The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, ‘Hey, Murph! You got you a
daughter!!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too….’

Murph got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, ‘Hold on, we ain’t
got done yet!’
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, ‘Murph, you just had
yourself another boy!’

Murph said to the doctor, ‘Doc, what caused all of dem babies?’  The doctor
said, ‘You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during
conception.’  Murph said, ‘Ah yeah, during conception.’

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down
with his wife and said, ‘Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of
Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.’  She said, ‘Yeah, I
remember dat night…’

Murph said, ‘I’ll tell you, bye, it’s a damn good ting we didn’t use dat WD-40!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

And there ya have it folks, 8 really funny Newfie jokes… Hope you got a good giggle….

 

 

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